bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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