Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
