No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
