is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You did what with his pubic hair?
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