We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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