Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
