A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
