you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
