He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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