could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
