Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
