so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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