I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
