tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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