So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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