Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
