I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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