My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
