i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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