Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
