and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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