Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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