Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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