Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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