i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
