omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
