i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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