you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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