So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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