I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
