My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
