Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
