I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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