You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
