haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
