Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
