The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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