You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
