Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
