i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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