just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
