She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
