I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
