eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
