Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
