If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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