somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
