You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
