My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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