is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
